| what does normal look like? |
[Oct. 3rd, 2006|10:29 am] |
yesterday i prepared a worksheet for my high school students. we were doing the general sexual anatomy (which ducky doolittle refers to as "pleasure anatomy" in sex with the lights on) lesson and i wanted something to compliment the illustrations.
i was so pleased when i stumbled upon the soft hard gallery http://www.erectionphotos.com/softHardGallery/SoftHardGalleryP01.htm
i used many of the soft images to build a collage for my students. I also used images from the-clitoris.com's The Vulva Revealed gallery http://www.the-clitoris.com/n_html/n_v_image1.htm.
so i made a worksheet with ten penises and 8 vulvas (because the vulva pictures were larger and of better quality) and in the middle had the words "what does normal look like?"
i passed around the worksheet to my 11th and 12th graders, letting them know the images were graphic and they were free to decline to look at them. i asked the question "which one is the normal one?" they each voiced differing opinions, tending to choose the straighter circumcised penises or the more symetrical vulvas. then i popped the mind-blowing statement:
"they're all normal."
the reaction were immediate. " but miss, what's wrong with this one?" or that one or why are here lips so large or why is his head so small. The answer: "there is nothing wrong with any of these. they are all normal healthy vulvas and penises."
it blew their minds.
no pun intended. |
|
|
| CDC recommends HIV testing for most Americans |
[Sep. 21st, 2006|02:18 pm] |
from http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14938109/
AP, ATLANTA - All Americans between the ages of 13 and 64 should be routinely tested for HIV to help catch infections earlier and stop the spread of the deadly virus, federal health recommendations announced Thursday say.
The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said HIV testing should become about as common as a cholesterol check. Nearly half of new HIV infections are discovered when doctors are trying to diagnose a sick patient who has come for care, CDC officials said.
“We know that many HIV infected people seek health care and they don’t get tested. And many people are not diagnosed until late in the course of their illness, when they’re already sick with HIV-related conditions,” said Dr. Timothy Mastro, acting director of the CDC’s division of HIV/AIDS prevention.
“By identifying people earlier through a screening program, we’ll allow them to access life-extending therapy, and also through prevention services, learn how to avoid transmitting HIV infection to others,” he said.
The announcement was hailed by some HIV patient advocates and health policy experts. They said the guidelines could help end the stigma of HIV testing and lead to needed care for an estimated 250,000 Americans who don’t yet know they have the disease.
“I think it’s an incredible advance. I think it’s courageous on the part of the CDC,” said A. David Paltiel, a health policy expert at the Yale University School of Medicine.
The recommendations aren’t legally binding, but they influence what doctors do and what health insurance programs cover.
Some physicians groups predict the recommendations will be challenging to implement, involving new expenditures of money and time for testing, counseling and revising consent procedures.
Some physicians also question whether there is enough evidence to expand testing beyond high-risk groups, said Dr. Larry Fields, the president of the American Academy of Family Physicians.
“Are doctors going to do it? Probably not,” Fields said.
But the recommendations were endorsed by the American Medical Association, which urged physicians to comply.
“This is important public health strategy to stop the spread of HIV,” Dr. Nancy Nielsen, a Buffalo, N.Y.-based physician who sits on the AMA’s governing board, said in a statement.
No consent form needed
Previously, the CDC recommended routine testing for those at high-risk for catching the virus, such as intravenous drug users and gay men, and for hospitals and certain other institutions serving areas where HIV is common. It also recommends testing for all pregnant women.
Under the new guidelines, patients would be tested for HIV as part of a standard battery of tests they receive when they go for urgent or emergency care, or even during a routine physical.
Patients wouldn’t get tested every year: Repeated, annual testing would only be recommended only for those at high-risk.
There would be no consent form specifically for the HIV test; it would be covered in a clinic or hospital’s standard care consent form. Patients would be allowed to decline the testing.
CDC officials have been working on revised recommendations for about three years, and sought input from more than 100 organizations, including doctors’ associations and HIV patient advocacy groups. The CDC presented planned revisions at a scientific conference in February.
Since then, the CDC has strengthened language on informed consent to make sure that no one is tested without their knowledge, and emphasized the need for doctors to provide information on HIV tests and the meaning of positive and negative results.
© 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. |
|
|
| define sex |
[Sep. 20th, 2006|01:51 pm] |
in preparation for an activity with my new kids, i've been scouring dictionaries for an inclusive definition of sex and sexuality. unable to find anything satisfying, i turn to you, dear readers.
How do you define "sex"?
How do you define "sexuality"?
i appreciate your participation. |
|
|
| shoot 'em up |
[Sep. 18th, 2006|02:40 pm] |
My baby sister is going to college. She has her extra long twin sheets, mini refridgerator, and a little something extra. My baby sister has the HPV vaccine.
More specifically, she has the first shot in a series of three that protects against four strands of the human papilloma virus. Similar to the Hep B vaccine, the vaccination is provided in three doses - the second two months after the first and the third six months after the first.
The vaccine, Gardasil, appears to be 100% effective against HPV-16 and HPV-18, the strains that account for 70% of cervical cancers. It is almost as effective with HPV-6 and HPV-11 which cause 90% of genital warts.
The vaccine is approved for women and girls between the ages of 9 and 26. Clinical trials are underway to examine effectiveness with boys and men.
So, what about women over the age of 26? Since HPV is so widespread, is it assumed that those over 26 have been exposed? What about the women over 26 who have managed to avoid exposure through abstinence, safer sex, and luck?
And what of the women who have been exposed to one, but not all four types of HPV the vaccine offers protection against? Say you've had abnormal paps, but not warts, shouldn't you have access to the vaccine to prevent warts in the future, not to mention further abnormal paps from the other strain(s) of HPV?
Now that the vaccine is available, is there access? I know my sister was able to get the hook up in rich white suburbia but what about lower income neighborhoods? Will insurance and medicaid subsidize? Will it be available for free or on the cheap with other vaccinations? Can I ethically advocate vaccination to my teenagers in the Bronx, knowing that the series of shots cost $360?
So many questions. I suppose we will see.
http://www.webmd.com/content/article/123/115099.htm
http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/STDFact-HPV-vaccine.htm#hpvvac2 |
|
|
| the before |
[Aug. 29th, 2006|12:04 am] |
|
So I’m at that moment just before everything comes together. You know, the one where you’re ready to shoot yourself. So stressed out right now. I have four days to find an apartment. Then I fly home on Thursday, pack up my house on Friday, and drive back to New York, friend and Sandy aboard, on Saturday. Somehow I’ve managed to avoid a full blown panic attack, knock wood. My leg won’t stop shaking (it has always shook but now it really is constant) and I have ouchy bumps on my fingertips. Not to mention all the stress pimples. I am quite the pretty picture right now. Think of this as the “before”. Before the apartment is found, before the move, before the official letter of employment, before the job starts. The after will be beautiful. |
|
|
| good news |
[Aug. 24th, 2006|06:32 pm] |
So much good news.
First and most importantly, I had my last day of work. Retired once again. My next day of labor will be in new york in september.
The big news is that the emergency contraception pills Plan B have been FDA approved for over-the-counter sale to women over 18. This is a major victory many years in the making. It still raises questions about whether those under 18 should be able to purchase EC without a prescription, as well as should men be able to purchase the product (which could be a non-issue but all the articles i find refer to "women 18 and older" ignoring the possibility that a man might wish to purchase ec for his partner; similar to a woman buying condoms only for emergency situations). http://www.webmd.com/content/article/126/116441.htm
More good news, not specific to today, is the FDA approval of Famvir, a single dose treatment for herpes (earlier this August). A single dose of the medication is administered at the first inkling of an outbreak. Tests show that it reduces the severity and length of outbreaks. As a single-dose it is more cost-effective than other chronic treatments such as valtrex (for my poverty-striken pals living with herpes). The downside is it does not reduce asymptomatic shedding or frequency of outbreaks. http://www.webmd.com/content/Article/126/116186.htm
Let's all do a happy sexual health dance. Boogey oogey oogey... |
|
|
| the triumphant return of the educated slut |
[Aug. 14th, 2006|06:32 pm] |
because everyone's your friend in new york city!
fuck texas, ya'll.
someone just got a job teaching hiv education in new york city ("new york city?!?" "git a rope...")
so i'm breaking my lease and moving back to the glorious city of my youth (you know, the five years prior to this last one).
although i can't promise sexcapades and whoring, i can promise updates of the educational variety as i'll be back in the scene.
sandy and i will be skipping down the glittering diamond-paved streets. |
|
|
| sex work to social work |
[May. 28th, 2006|05:33 pm] |
death of the blue haired waitress
so my hair is now red again (as you may have noted on my last nyc visit). it is also shorter.
and a week ago i waitressed my last shift.
the following morning i started a new job as a residential advisor at a housing shelter for teenagers. the work is intense but rewarding (i hope). the hours are long and overtime is guaranteed. but the pay is close to nothing. consequently, i'm leaving my beautiful apartment in montrose and moving elsewhere.
cha-cha-cha-cha-changes...
so chances are my blogging will slack even more, unless i happen to develop a sex life (outside of work, duh). apologies in advance. wish me luck as i embark. |
|
|
| sleeping with the rapist |
[May. 8th, 2006|09:03 am] |
I originally wrote this piece for an anthology. It was rejected, but it began to snowball the healing process. Please feel free to share. I'd like this one to be heard.
Sleeping with the Rapist
Jane Vincent
And she said don’t (don’t!)
Stop (stop)
Maybe you better go.
Yes she said don’t (don’t)
Stop (stop)
She kept on saying no.
Til she cried, “Don’t stop don’t stop loving, Dan.
You got fifty nine minutes to go.”
from “Don’t Stop Dan” by the Checkers
I lost my virginity to a rapist.
He didn’t rape me. I didn’t know he was a rapist at the time. Later I learned he had raped two acquaintances.
But I still feel guilty. I wonder if my actions that evening enabled the belief of “no means yes”.
At 18 I was sick of being a virgin. I found a guy that was reputed to put out (he was a playa' or whatever is the equivalent of a boy slut). We met with a group at a hookah bar about a week before graduation. He would come in to IHOP and drink coffee until I got off work. We'd drive around dark country roads with the windows down and Led Zepplin blaring. He would make awkward attempts at compliments and gave me a Pink Floyd t-shirt for my birthday. He would do.
An integral part of this decision was the fact that he was going in to the services. The coast guard. Reserves. (This was before the current war torn state, so it really was a joke). I was leaving on a ten day trip to Europe with my parents. By the time I returned, he would be at boot camp. He would not get out of camp until I had already left for college in New York. So, theoretically, I wouldn't have to worry about a relationship or any of that icky dumping-the-guy stuff.
The evening before his coast guard physical, he picked me up from a particularly long shift at IHOP. We got a room at the Comfort Inn. I was convinced everyone knew what we were doing. The only room available was a suite. This meant we got a bottle of cheap champagne and two plastic dixie cups and one of the regionally legendary jacuzzis.
He popped the champagne and drew me a bath. We sat across from each other in the jacuzzi, full of conditioning-shampoo bubbles, and he gave me a foot rub (waitresses of the world sigh in ecstasy). At this point I was ready to just go to sleep.
So we got out of the tub and toweled off. I then walked to the bed with my towel slung over the shower rod. He modestly tucked his towel around his waist and made some comment about me being "wild" and "bold". Um, I walked ten feet in the buff. Really wild, there.
He turned on the TV to some war movie set in Asia so there was karate, ninjas, and guns. We started making out. I went down on him. At the last minute I pulled up, bit his nipple, and asked him to get a condom."What? Oh, man, I don't have any. I didn't want to make any assumptions."
Hello! We are going to a hotel together. Translation: we will be having sex. You are the boy. The boy gets the condoms. (Thankfully, I am now liberated enough to carry around a dozen or so condoms for all my friends at any given time. And condoms do not assume anything. They are a responsible person’s way of preparing for the future, which could possibly include sex or the need for water balloons).
“Never mind,” I rolled over and huffed."In that case, I'm going to sleep." I said and closed my eyes. He spooned against me. After a few minutes he began kissing my neck. And then we were making out. And mutually jacking the other off. And he pulled up. "I'll pull out," he whispered as he pushed his way inside me. So romantic.
I never said yes. I even said no, although I acknowledge it was more the role of the good girl to deny sexual desire and especially sex without condoms then actual opposition. I wanted to have sex but couldn’t give myself permission to consent. I knew how to say no. What I didn’t know was how to say yes.
Later, I was raped. The scenario was strikingly similar to the loss of my virginity — the difference being my consent. At the end of my freshman year I was raped by a date that I trusted. It was actually a third date. I had been so proud of myself for not putting out immediately. I was going to do the three date standard. I really liked the guy and had plans for a relationship.
But I had been diagnosed with mono the day before. He wouldn't let me cancel the date so we went to a bar that didn't card. After one drink I was swinging and flushed. My hair caught on fire (no lie). I was so exhausted that I needed to go home.
He was too cheap for a cab so walked me the fourteen (okay, they were only street) blocks. Then he asked to come to my dorm room for a phone number. I agreed and signed him in. Soon after he was upstairs, I lay down because I was tired and sick. He lay down next to me. We were making out and getting hot and heavy.
I asked him to put on a condom. He didn't have one. Said he never used them. I didn't have one because I was still the girl. I hadn’t learned to carry my own condoms as I still wasn’t entirely comfortable with my sexual appetite. I didn't steal one from a roommate because I didn't want to have sex at that point, I just wanted to sleep. I told him I wouldn't fuck without a condom but he was welcome to stay the night.
I fell asleep after that. I woke up to him fucking me. I didn't really feel much of anything. I dissociated and watched. Couldn’t speak or scream or push or anything. Then I felt his fingers in my ass. He pulled back and pushed his dick inside me. I was in shock. I had never had any sort of anal sex before. I thought I was crying but I could see my face that was completely emotionless. After he came, he fell asleep in my bed beside me.
In the morning we took a shower together and I signed him out of my dorm. I was still in shock. I avoided his calls and emails that lasted the next six weeks.
It was the calls and emails that most shocked me. They now cause me to question whether he knew he had raped me? Did he know my no meant no? Or did he think I was just playing the part of the girl, resisting what she really wants but can’t ask for.
I am not accepting blame for my own rape or the rape of others. I am questioning the knowledge of the rapists. Did they understand the effect of their actions?
Sexologists refer to the use of “no” when sexual intimacy is desired as “token resistance.” Token resistance is a part of our sexual culture. As boys are taught to pursue and girls are taught to resist, each side is endowed with a simple term. We learn the rule early, boys always say “yes”, and girls always say “no”.
Our culture needs a two-pronged approach to sexual communication to prevent rape. First, we need to teach men (and women) to respect no. When either partner says no, sexual activity stops. In the BDSM scene there is the concept of “safe words”. Partners will predesignate a word to mean no or stop. This word is generally something not uttered during sex play, for example: apple. If the word apple is said during sex play, all activity stops immediately. Similarly, another word can be designated for slow down. Going with the fruit theme, we could say banana. When banana is said, the particular activity can be stopped while sex play continues. Armed with an understanding of the meaning of apples and bananas, a couple’s communication skills are miles above the general population that is still entrenched in “no means no except when it means yes”.
The second, and equally important step, is teaching women (and men) how to say yes to their desires and to sex in general. Because, in the current state of romantic scripts, “no” has multiple meanings. Only when we are provided with the tools to articulate our desires, will “no” be used strictly as refusal. No can’t mean just no until we have the ability to say yes. |
|
|
| i'm not here, this isn't happening |
[Apr. 22nd, 2006|10:25 pm] |
radiohead kid a was the cd of the moment. i had spent a week with a close friend, a bottle of tequila, a carton of orange juice, and radiohead on repeat. exhausting sex had ensued as well as talk of the missing two years of my life. my friend believed i had been assaulted as a child. said i was a "raped dream", like that was a compliment. i don't know why i don't remember the chunk of time from seven to nine. i remember the day before the last day of school before christmas break in second grade. and then i remember trying to kill myself by smothering myself between the mattress and the box spring. i was nine then. in the new house. there are plenty of reasons to block out that period. my best friend burned to death in a christmas tree fire. my alcoholic and early alzheimers (although we didn't know it then) grandfather came to live with us following a car crash that left him unable to walk. we moved for the first time. plus the first rush of hormones and childhood depression seems almost logical. but i was looking for answers. and sexual abuse seemed to fit. if i knew what happened, i could heal. but really it just opened me up. made me a cavern of vulnerability. maybe that is what attracted mark. i just typed his real name and left it. the sparks behind my eyelids start flashing and i feel like gushing forth but tears refuse to come. if only i could cry...
so i'm processing. i even made a cd to process to. the playlist is:
1. giving up - ana nalick
2. summertime - janis joplin
3. precious things - tori amos
4. roads - portishead
5. history (repeats itself) - aos
6. how to disappear completely - radiohead
7. breath - ana nalick
8. let go - frou frou
9. fair - remy zero
10. say goodbye - throwing muses
11. flower - eels
12. little girl blue - janis joplin
13. whispering pines - dar williams
14. hold on - tom waits
15. i shall believe - sheryl crow
16. hallelujah - leonard cohen
17. wait - get set go
tonight was spent with a glass of wine, a glass of water, half a pack of cigarettes, and this cd. the cigarettes assure that i keep breathing. which was a task once "how to disappear completely" came on. the song was playing when i woke up to find mark on top of me. it was almost instructional. dissociation, my selection from the fight, flight, freeze response trigger, came too easily. i watched him fuck me from above. his eyes closed. mine open.
i had been asleep. dreaming. woke slowly, pleasantly, still drunk and downtrodden from mono, not really present. my hips were moving involuntarily but not altogether unpleasantly. i had no idea what was happening except my head was spinning. then i heard him moan. breathing heavily. i opened my eyes. when i realized, if i realized, i was already above the bed looking down.
when i felt the weight of his fingers in my ass, i anticipated pain, but none came. only numb dull fullness. my body opened for him.
this betrayal of my body. even though i did not consent. had said no repeatedly and firmly earlier in the evening due to the lack of condoms. had gone to sleep with the matter settled. i awoke fucked, fucking, and my body responded.
i held my breath but my hips returned his rhythm. i wanted to cry or cry out or feel the searing pain of this violation but i couldn't. my body refused to feel but acted on its own.
once he finished with my ass and returned to my wet (goddamit, how could i be wet at a time like this) pussy, i closed my eyes, not able to watch anymore. i tried to just go back to sleep. pretend it wasn't happening. let it all be over. just let it be over.
he came inside of me. the warm wet seeping between my legs is the only sensation i can remember of the night.
later, when my period was six weeks late, i kept putting off pregnancy tests because i did not want to admit it had happened. even when i finally bought one, it was due to unprotected sex, not rape.
it took me over a year before i could get an hiv test. i knew i was hiv positive. only after working with wonderful hiv positive folk at gmhc and coming to terms with how i would live the final ten or so years of my life could i finally get tested. still, from drunken unprotected sex. not rape.
the first time i applied the term rape to the situation was in my hiv and society class. we did a blind writing assignment where everyone wrote about their first hiv test or why they hadn't had one yet. i wrote "i was raped. i knew i had hiv. i put off the inevitable confirmation as long as possible. when the test came back negative i wanted to cry, but was only numb." the group next to mine got my response. there was a lot of conversation and speculation about who it could be from. the professor handled it gracefully.
so tonight my goal was to cry. i shook and heaved and my mouth sobbed, but my eyes remained relatively dry. maybe i'll be able to cry in the bath. |
|
|
| drunken blogging |
[Apr. 21st, 2006|10:13 pm] |
so i am pet-sitting for my family this weekend. translation: i am getting drunk on my parents' wine while the dogs bark with sandy.
i have been getting drunk a lot lately. part of it is social excursions, such as drunken yahtzee at the maple leaf (yes, a canadian bar in houston). and part of it is coping/avoidance and general escapism.
my therapy is taking a hard turn. we are beginning to deal with being raped. chances are i will be talking about it more often, as i have finally "confessed" to a few friends and have generally been thinking about it at great length.
my therapist and i are utilizing a great resource: staci haines' "the survivor's guide to sex". some of you may recall my previous mention of her dvd "healing sex" (DO NOT WATCH THE DVD IN ONE SITTING!!!!). it is a wonderful tool. so my therapist and i are reading a chapter a week. our first chapter is chapter three on dissociation.
i am a master of dissociation. not only did i dissociate when i was raped, but i had dissociated during many earlier sexual encounters and continued to dissociate through many later sexual experiences. part of this was healing. part of this was preserving and protecting myself.
later, dissociation surrendered to drunkenness. i can count on one hand the number of times i have had sex sober. yeah, i have issues. we've established this. i was drunk for not only the worst but many of the best sexual experiences of my life (including fucking dacia).
i have always had a low tolerance for alcohol. add my current dosing of antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and tranquilizers and you get a sloshed jane from two drinks and a cigarette.
so five drinks and half a pack of cigarettes later you have a drunken jane blogging to hundreds about her lack of ability to fuck sober. granted not a total lack of ability. there have been rare and tender moments completely lucid (think the tantalizing and boobalicious rachel kramer bussel). but they drown amongst the drunken times.
lately though i have made an improvement. i have stopped fucking. if i can't fuck unless i'm fucked up then i'm not fucking at all. although i'm still fucked up. how many times can i type fuck in one paragraph? anyways, i have not had sex since i left new york. this is a great and healthy choice. i'm taking care of myself and my body. doesn't mean i don't get horny and lustful. but i haven't had an intimate connection with anyone worthy of breaking celibacy.
so the inevitable outcome has two options. either i fall in love/deep like and "make love" to a lucky someone or on one of my drunken occasions, i fall in to bed with someone and have a great time. we shall see... |
|
|
| trippin' |
[Apr. 14th, 2006|10:13 am] |
among the crying randomly (goddam garden state) and jerking off furiously (jon stewart, yum!), i have been globetrotting, or nation-trotting if you will. really just two location-trotting, but enough with the semantics.
a few weeks a go i had the opportunity to spend a full week on my parents' land in north carolina, hauling rocks around a mountain. i built rock walls and lined ditches and bridges. i also built a mock kiln that operated as a fire pit.
i ate cinnamon apple pancakes with my father at grandma's pancake and steak in Cherokee, then cruised next door to the talking leaves bookstore where i bought my first sherman alexi (the lone ranger and tonto fist fight in heaven). remarkably, i was able to read the book (a task that has been difficult since my breakdown this fall).
i played with my baby cousins and tolerated my middle sister (until my parents' tried to force us to drive 13 hours together, bad bad bad idea).
i even planted a mountainside garden. down the slope from the house (because my mother didn't want the birds scatting all over the yard) i planted mounds of squash, zucchini, watermelon (three kinds!), pumpkins, gourds, and a couple hundred sun flowers. the seed packets promised low maintenance and drought resistance so i hope they come up.
sandy is truly a mountain dog. although at first she was afraid to walk over raised branches, by the end of the trip she was galloping through the woods. once we arrived after the two day drive, sandy decided she did not want to get back in the car. so she chased the car up and down the mountain instead of riding along. her tongue flopped wildly. half the time you could only see her tail swinging along in the rear view. she had a blast.
after a short week back in houston, i took off again. this time for the sex work matters conference in new york. i met many lovely ladies (http://xflickerflyx.livejournal.com, http://www.sacredwhore.org/, and http://www.jessicamelusine.com/ among them). unfortunately, dacia and i were struck down with flu-like infections and had to leave the conference only half-full of the knowledge and networking provided.
the night before the conference was spent at the sex worker visions art show http://sexworkervisions.blogspot.com/. the place was jam packed. i was performance artist Melissa Gira's bodyguard for the evening. i really wanted to buy christy road's self-exam piece (yeah, speculums and mirrors).
oh, and my cleavage was reunited with miss rachel kramer bussel's boobage. the girls are still rosy from the encounter.
I was even interviewed by the new york times. okay, so i'm not a foot fetish model, but i've done foot play. i just didn't want my grandmother to see my picture in the new york times (and they took plenty of pictures) with the subtitle, "jane vincent, a self-proclaimed whore". and the reporter was super skeezy. he was pissed that i wouldn't give him my real name. props to the photographer, who was chill and down to earth. The link is long and you have to be a ny times member, but it was the "an old profession that's new to doing taxes article" of april 5th, if you want to check it out.
that saturday was spent gallery hopping with a sex worker posse composed of melissa gira, jessica melusine, audacia and myself.
on sunday, my flight was rescheduled due to my massively swollen ear drums. so i slept all day in dacia's bed, drinking water and dosing myself on mucinex.
but the unfortunate illness allowed for a surprise appearance at monday night's Pervert's Saloon. I read from "the naked man in my bathroom" http://educatedslut.blogspot.com/2005/06/naked-man-in-my-bathroom-whole-story.html#comments. The best part was meeting so many fellow bloggers and readers. A special shout out to Rose of http://www.aliferestarted.blogspot.com/aliferestarted.blogspot.com who wrote an amazing piece for O, my first orgasm (send in your submissions, people, to omyfirstorgasm@yahoo.com) that you can read at http://omyfirstorgasm.blogspot.com/2006/03/im-not-its-not-broken.html. one day i will learn to do little link things, really.
so, now i'm back in houston, where i'm looking for jobs in my field (at least with some form of youth leadership, teaching, or health angle because all the sex is abstinent only or requires a clinical license), making friends, drinking too much but doing so in public therefore it is social outreach (my shrink is big on social activities), writing a business plan for a coffee shop, and going to the occasional lesbian wet t-shirt contest. |
|
|
| lesbian smut |
[Apr. 14th, 2006|10:09 am] |
First-Timers: True Stories of Lesbian Awakening (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1555839479/104-7481672-1579920?n=283155/)
The lovely Rachel Kramer Bussel's newest anthology is out! First-Timers: True Stories of Lesbian Awakening, is available at bookstores and on Amazon now. I will be reading from my story "Wear Me Home" on June 21st at In The Flesh (http://inthefleshreadingseries.blogspot.com/).
I'm actually in the book twice! Once in my own story about my first sexual encounter with a transman and then again in Audacia's story, aptly titled "What's a little fisting between friends?" You can guess what that one is about.
So check it out, then check me out In The Flesh. |
|
|
| help a merry kinkster out |
[Mar. 7th, 2006|10:31 am] |
so i have been a busy little bee.
i have been writing up a fierce storm to the echoing applause of silent rejections (at least send a note, people). and i have been making leaps and bounds in therapy.
but of greater interest to you, i have been editing omyfirstorgasm.blogspot.com, which now updates every monday and thursday. send in stories of your first and i'll make you a stah, dahling. be sure to adhere to the call for submissions(http://omyfirstorgasm.blogspot.com/2006/02/call-for-submissions.html) .
i have also started (finally) contributing to the budding Cootchie! Creative Organizing Of The Community for Health Information and Education. There is now a resource list of sliding scale STI testing facilities up on the blog (http://cootchieorg.blogspot.com). And I will be passing out flyers and condoms around town. If you know a bar or club you think I should shower with free condoms, please comment or email.
Furthermore, I am officially researching sex toy stores in Houston - although the sex toys are adult and/or novelty gifts, but i digress. After taking my little sister to Cindie's for her 18th birthday (she now has two vibes, a bottle of lube, and a tattoo and is ready to take over the world), I am impressed with their selection. But I want to review a wide range of stores. Aside from driving around and stopping in every adult venue I pass (and there are a lot of them down here in Montrose), I'm looking for recommendations.
So help a merry kinkster out, friends, and leave a comment or email the_educated_slut@yahoo.com. Thank you, kindly. |
|
|
| my libido, the prairie dog |
[Feb. 24th, 2006|02:28 pm] |
My libido or my sanity… a difficult choice.
Over the last few months of difficult adjustment, I’ve had to make a choice. Actually, several choices.
First, I chose not to pursue rampant casual sex in a compulsive grab to assuage my manic episodes. Instead, I burrowed in my apartment and jerked off like a fiend.
I chose not to pursue sex work, a tool previously used to moderate my sexual compulsivity. I chose this for many reasons, among them legal, lack of support system, and general lack of good head space/emotional state. If I couldn’t hook happily, I wouldn’t whore at all.
My third choice is more ambivalence than a direct “I choose…” statement. I have dated very cautiously. I have strained emotional resources and feel that I have little to bring to a relationship right now.
Sounds like the perfect set up for casual flings, right? Wrong. Because I have no libido.
More specifically, my libido is burrowed deep in a hole. It spends most of its time there. Every now and then it will perk up and look around at the sun. Sometimes it will even scamper. But undoubtedly, before I have a chance to act on it and pursue a partner, it jumps back in to its tight dark hole and hides.
Not that this has slowed down my masturbation. But it has certainly slowed down my orgasms. Sometimes I can have three or four orgasms in a row. Sometimes, after forty five minutes, I turn the Hitachi off and roll over to sleep, unsatisfied.
I know the lull is due to my conscious choices and my recovering mental health. But it is also due to my current medication cocktail. All four of my medications list sexual side effects.
The meds have helped me regain my life. But it is a different life than the one I had. After being such a sexually voracious tart (and very much incorporating that in to my identity) I find myself lacking much sexual appetite at all.
I know this is right for me for now, but the bottom line is, I miss the old sexy jane. I want my libido back, dammit! |
|
|
| orgasmic resources |
[Feb. 16th, 2006|10:32 pm] |
In the fall of 2003, I wrote a 15 page, 12 pt, 1.5 spaced term paper: Coming to Pleasure – Contemporary Resources for Women with Orgasmic Difficulties. If anyone would like a copy, email me and I’ll mail you a hard copy (the electronic file has tragically been lost). Here’s a summary of some of the resources I managed to dig up.
People
Betty Dodson – The Mother of Masturbation has been teaching women and men sexual empowerment through selflove since the early 1970s. In addition to her classic text, Sex for One (originally titled Liberating Masturbation) and the more recent Orgasms for Two, Betty has produced several videos including Selfloving: Portrait of a Woman’s Sexuality Seminar and Celibrating Orgasm: Women’s Private Selfloving Sessions. http://www.bettydodson.com/
Ducky Doolittle – As a sex educator, writer, and spoken word artist, Ducky’s workshops, performances, writings, and website provide valuable information and liberation in a sex-positive, kink-friendly, humor-filled atmosphere. http://www.drducky.com/
Ellen Freidrichs of Sex Edvice – http://sexedvice.com/
Places
Eve’s Garden – The first woman-centered sex boutique in New York, Eve’s Garden has been open since 1974. Located discreetly on the twelth floor of a midtown office building, Eve’s caters to the mature heterosexual woman who wouldn’t be caught dead on 6th Avenue or the former stores of Times Square. The selection is substantially smaller than Toys in Babeland but could be less intimidating in its intimacy. http://www.evesgarden.com
Babeland (formerly Toys in Babeland) – A woman-oriented, male-welcoming, queer-positive, kink-friendly, all around happy friendly non-threatening place to purchase sexuality products including books, magazines, vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, fetish gear, videos, lubricants, and safer sex supplies. It is also a wonderful place to seek advice from skilled employees or at one of their frequent workshops. http://babeland.com
Good Vibrations – http://www.goodvibes.com/
Blowfish – http://www.blowfish.com/
Come As You Are - http://www.comeasyouare.com/
Books and Films
Sex For One – The Joy of Selfloving – Betty Dodson’s revolutionary text was the first to liberate female masturbation. Although not a how-to-orgasm guide, such as some other resources, Dodson provides a context for orgasm, masturbation, and pleasure through her lovely illustrations and insightful anectdotes. She believes that masturbation holds the key for women who believe they are “frigid.”
For Yourself – The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality – Lonnie Barbach’s text is a program for preorgasmic women to increase sexual pleasure and achieve orgasm. It was recommended as a valuable text for women with limited experience with masturbation and sexual self-exploration. Barbach, like Dodson, conducted group workshops and individual therapy about women’s sexuality. Her text is geared towards the married or partnered heterosexual woman.
The Clitoral Truth – The Secret World at Your Fingertips – Rebecca Chalker’s contemporary text draws from Dodson and Barbahc, as well as thirty years of feminist and sexual revolution. Not focused specifically on orgasm, Chalker provides valuable information on female sexual anatomy and functioning. She dispels many myths and discusses the effects of power and beliefs (both personal and societal) upon sexual pleasure and experience. This book is the most queer-inclusive text I found. The illustrations are wonderful displaying different body types, ethnicities, ages, couples, and singles. For a woman who desires a more general approach to exploring her sexuality, this is a wonderful place to start.
Becoming Orgasmic – A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women… And the Men who Love Them – This DVD, based on the popular text, is produced by the Sinclair intimacy Institute. It is an educational film geared towards helping heterosexual married women (and their spouses) reach orgasm. The video follows Elaine and Mike as she pursues her first orgasm.
Please Don’t Stop – Lesbian Tips for Givin’ and Gettin’ It – This film, produced by Good Vibrations’ Good Vibes Sex Positive Crew and Homosexual Chocolate, was recommended by the Toys in Babeland staff as a queer-friendly film for women with orgasmic difficulties. However, it does not specifically address orgasm or orgasmic difficulties. Rather it explores and demonstrates ways to enjoy sexual pleasure alone and with your partner. |
|
|
| new york craving |
[Feb. 16th, 2006|08:23 pm] |
|
tonight i was missing new york, missing dacia, missing days of mutual lap top addiction and sushi box dinners. so, after a phone chat with miss dacia, i decided to order some sushi for dinner. i placed an order for chirashi for pick-up. after waiting the appropriate interval, i drove to pick it up. only to find my order was not ready. because they had not received it. because i had ordered my sushi from new york. so i placed a new order and called the new york sushi place back. their response, "but your order is all ready for pick up". my response, "i'm in texas. i'm so sorry." i got home and cried tears of laughter and wasabi. |
|
|
| Ask Jane: Bloody V Day |
[Feb. 13th, 2006|12:19 am] |
An inquiring reader asked a very good question today. I thought I would share it with all of you.
Hi. I've been reading your blog for ages, and remember
you mentioning the Instead Cup, and was hoping you
could give me some advice about it. See, as I'm sure
you're aware, V-day is right around the corner, and
I've run across at bit of a dillema...my period. The
Instead Cup seems like a good option, but I know next
to nothing about how it works with sex, how easy it is
to put into place, etc. In terms of having sex while
it's inserted, is there any issue with
slippage/spilling/other problems? It's been decided
already that I'm giving my boyfriend the other area of
access for his gift (although it's kind of a selfish
gift, as I figure I'll get a lot out of it too) so I'm
wonding if I even need to worry about my period...but
as little mess as possible is preferable, and if the
Instead Cup is all it's cracked up to be, it seems
like the best option. One last question: in terms of
insertion, does it take awhile to get the hang of it?
And are rather long fingers required? 'Cause mine are
kinda short...anyway, that's all...thanks for *any*
help you can give me, and I'd apologize for the amount
of detail in this email, but I'm guessing you won't be
bothered/shocked by any of it, and I didn't even need
to use such delicate language...all the same...
Thanks.
My response:
Hey, baby. Happy Valentines Day. It sounds like you'll be having plenty of fun. The Instead Cup is great during sex. It does take a few tries to get insertion down pat, but if you practice, you should have it together for the big day. My method of insertion is as follows.
1. Sit on toilet with legs spread.
2. Unwrap cup from its purple wrapper. Hold the rim parallel to the floor with the cup hanging down (like a U not a M).
3. Squeeze the rim together between two fingers.
4. Begin to insert, while squeezed. At this point your vagina should hold it somewhat squeezed so you can adjust your grip to push.
5. Using one or two fingers, push the cup inside your vagina. Be sure to hook the rim behind your pubic bone in your g-spot. This will help ensure the cup covers your cervix.
Long fingers are not required. I have small hands and stubby fingers (great for fisting) and the cup is my menstrual accesory of choice.
*You may want to use a little extra lube during sex as the cervical (but not vaginal) secretions will be captured in the cup.
To remove, reach inside and hook a finger below the rim. Pull out slowly. Chances are you will get a blood gush the first few times you remove. I squirted across the bathroom on to the heater. But you will get the hang of it.
*You may want to switch out the cup for a tampon when transitioning to anal sex. Anal could dislodge the cup and result in a mess. And always use lots o' lube for anal so you'll both have a rockin' good time.
I hope this helps. Enjoy your valentine's bliss.
Jane |
|
|
| The Wet Spots, Naughty Bunnies, and my ass |
[Feb. 12th, 2006|02:35 pm] |
I’ve been a busy girl. What with my active career as a blue haired waitress and smut writing up the wazoo, I have been neglecting you, my dear bloggies.
As such, I have a present for you. Straight from Kirby Ferguson himself, his new video for the Wet Spot’s classic hit, “Do You Take It?”
http://www.goodiebag.tv/video/do_you_take_it.htm
Appreciation of this song is requisite to dating (and/or fucking) moi. As I begin to cautiously venture in to the dating scene of houston, I have contemplated making a mix tape for potential partners. Also included on the mix will be the Wet Spots’ introductory “Kinky Neighbor Song”, which became something of an anthem during my move to Texas.
In other product endorsements, http://xflickerflyx.livejournal.com/ sent me a lovely package with her chap book order. It included the Bunny Fun! Coloring activity book (available from Sarah Grinstein, gumdropprodecutions@yahoo.com). This adorable creation features two curvy girlies in innocent anime/furry-ish bunny costumes having a little fun of the BDSM variety. In addition to the coloring book, there are paper dolls, and stickers (including a little ball gag, dildo, and cupcake).
I hope ya’ll enjoy. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
seejanerunaway's journal